Yes.
Does Christmas Start Too Early?
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Let Pandas Die
A survey of 600 Scientists has recommended that we should give up upon trying to save the Panda because it’s too expensive and the cash should be spent on animals with better chance.
I agree although not for the conservational arguments which the Scientists expound. Basically, Pandas are pathetic animals which seemed almost designed not to be able to survive. Their continued existance on the planet is the strongest evidence yet against Darwinian evolution. Here are my five reasons why they should be allowed to die:
- Once captured they lose interest in sex; conservationists have even experimented giving them viagra. Any animal which doesn’t want to procreate shouldn’t survive.
- Even when they feel the inclination, a female only goes into heat once per year for 2-3 days.
- Panda’s are the most expensive animal to conserve and cost 5 times more than the next most expensive – the African elephant.
- Their cuteness is really really annoying.
- THEY DON’T WANT TO GET LAID!!!!!! (What’s wrong with them?)
More justice than pop deserves
This weeks blog review is of www.popjustice.com; a blog which possesses all of the ingredients for greatness other than actual content. Its shiny pages are sassy, vibrant and in possession of a knowing irony. It also caters well to its target audience of 12 year old girls by only covering manufactured pop music and also by never linking two sentences together without putting a glossy photo inbetween in case the poor dears get bored with all the hard reading. It ultimately falls down on content because, frankly, pop music is shit however much you try to dress it up.
As my old dad used to say: you can’t polish a turd – although Popjustice tries very hard.
End of a Euro – Update
Yay! Italy has passed an austerity package and Greece has a new PM who is rumoured to be competent. Stock markets rally and all the bad things go away.
Well apart from the fact that the austerity package is too small to effect Italy’s solvency and will shrink the economy making the debt more burdonsome. The markets should cotton onto this some time next week. The current situation is a classic ‘dead cat bounce’; expect normal panic to resume very soon (refer to previous posting for how this will work out).
All About Symbian
Everything you don’t need to know about an operating system you will never use for mobile phones that no-one has. This blog may be the biggest waste of internet bandwidth since Stephen Fry discovered Twitter.
It’s hard to believe this blog exists. If you don’t believe me try this link: http://allaboutsymbian.com/ (not recommended for those with a low suicide threshold)
End of a Euro
There has been so much panic and speculation about the future of the Eurozone I felt it was necessary to tell everyone what is actually going to happen:
November – Germany holds out until it has extracted sadistic austerity measures from Greece, Italy, Spain etc…
December – With the European peoples on the verge of mutiny and all banks on the brink of insolvancy Germany finally relents and allows the ECB to bail everyone out sparking massive devaluation of the Euro and a surge of inflation.
January – Discontent at falling standards of living leads to popular rightwing organisations gaining huge popular support.
February – The Reichstag mysteriously burns down and emergency powers are passed in Germany.
March – Man with distinctive moustache and side parting saves the world.
…it’s almost like we’ve heard it all before!